eleven months

no. this can't be happening. it simply is not one month until your birthday. it can't be. it's too soon. i'm not ready. i want to stay a panda baby mom a little while longer. i'm ill-equipped to be a panda toddler mom.

you are gorgeous. we can't stop looking at you. your pale porcelain skin. your big dark chocolaty brown eyes. your full head of soft brown hair. the little gap in between your front teeth. every single thing about you is perfect because it's you. in a sea of pandas we'd know you anywhere.

the force is strong within you, young one. the force to be heard. you have such a strong little will. and any hope that you'd be mild mannered and quiet are long gone. instead of taming you i view my job as helping you learn the fine art of self-control. it will take everything you have to reign that will of yours in. but you can do it. be wild and free, little one. just don't run over people in the process.

you love to give hugs and kisses to everyone and everything. except mommy and daddy. we try not to take personal offense to this. until that one day you repeatedly kissed the picture of the african american lady on the junk mail flyer. i mean, she was smiling and looked so friendly so i kind of understood. but seriously. i'm yo mama. doesn't that count for anything around here? maybe?

your favorite things are: ming panda. your blanket. strawberries. toys. walks outside. music. taking selfies. trying to walk (by yourself because ain't nobody got time for holding mommy's hands).

the truth is...it's taken every bit of sanity and grit your mom and pops have to get you to this point. we've made a lot of mistakes. we'll make a lot more. but i want you to know, i'll always tell you i'm sorry. i'll always get my hands dirty to help you learn. i'll do my very best. and it won't be perfect and sometimes it will be hard and messy. but it'll be doused in love.

for the next thirty days let's soak it up. let's cuddle til we can't any more. let's rock to sleep and drink as many bottles as you want. let's give one more kiss and then one more. because i'll never regret holding you a little longer or kissing your chubby cheek one more time. i'll never regret filling myself so full of the baby moments because i know i'll never get these days with you again.