Wednesday, November 9, 2016


thirty, i'm not afraid of you.

honestly, thirty feels new. and not because there's a new president on the horizon. thirty feels like a deep breath and slow exhale. blank pages waiting to be filled.

i hate to present to you just the highlight reel. like my life is made up of moments designed to make the rest of the world cringe in jealousy. because that's just so not true. the past decade has been filled with plenty of heartache and i'm sure this new decade will bring plenty of hurt all its own.

but my arms are so full of good things at this moment in time that it's easy to let the not so good fade into the background. through a cloud of tears i recently told G that he couldn't possibly understand the hurt of having two mothers walk away from him and never look back. but even the weight of that hurt can't steal my joy. my heart's been broken and mended and broken again. i've never been so tired as i have in the last 18 months of living. but still, i'm walking away from my twenties with much more than i've lost and i just want to be grateful.

we live in a world that says we're entitled to more. to easier. to comfort and safety and the "american dream". and while there are so many hopes and dreams yet unlived and unseen i want to start out this new decade of life content in what i have. which is already so much more than i can carry with me. a loving husband, a beautiful panda baby, a community of good friends, wine in the fridge which means i have a roof over my head and electricity, and love. i have a life filled with love.

i'm coming for you, thirty.