your first month of life was maybe one of the hardest months of my life ever. you made me rethink everything i thought i knew. about myself. about my life. you have not been an easy baby. you fight naps like it's your job. you wake up multiple times a night and won't go back to sleep. you fuss and cry for no reason and leave me totally clueless. but sweetie, you are so worth it. you are worth every minute of lost sleep. every moment of confusion. you are worth all the self-doubt, the worrying, the late nights and early mornings.
you love to be snuggled. you've loved snuggles since day one. you don't mind when people besides mom and dad cuddle you because you just love to be cuddled. you must get that from your dad because i'm not the snuggle bug in this family.
this week you've been so awake. the newborn sleepiness is definitely fading fast. you just stare at me with your big brown eyes. sometimes i don't say anything and just stare back at you and sometimes i sing you little songs and tell you all sorts of mind-numbing things. but you never seem to mind.
we've been reading you a story from your jesus storybook bible every night before bed. then your dad and i judge whether or not it was decent and true to the "real bible". then we hold you and pray for a little bit of sleep. and for your heart to love Jesus.
sometimes in the middle of the night, when i want to cry i'm so tired and you just want to be rocked forever and never actually fall asleep, you give me a little sleepy giggle. your dad has yet to experience the sleepy giggle but it is basically the best gift for your sleep-deprived mother. more of those wouldn't hurt your case, especially at 3 am.
i know the days will get easier. and you'll sleep more. and you'll need me less. and as much as i long for those days i'll miss these days. the slow days with lots of cuddles and sleepy sighs and squishy newborn-ness. it's already been a month and i still can't believe you're mine.
you are so beautiful. and i love you little puppy.