boobs. why does everyone want to talk about your boobs right after your birth a human? i know breastfeeding is a hot topic right now. but it is just startling that so many people (men included here) feel the need to start a dialogue about boobs in general conversation. are you breastfeeding? followed up by how's it going? or why not? has your milk come in? gross. tmi. and etcetera. if you really want to start a conversation about my body parts post partum, how about asking me how my lady bits are holding up after the bomb called natural birth went off. just kidding. in reality i don't want to talk about my body parts at all. pleaseandthankyou.
beware of the desire to compare. in the very beginning i worried all the time that i was a complete failure at life if my #rowenugget didn't do the same glorious things as all the other babies. i'm learning it's okay that she does things in her own time. she's a crappy sleeper but has defined emotions. she rolled early and is going to crawl late. she waves and high fives and says dada but still doesn't have a strong pincher grasp. truthfully i'm finding that it's a reflection of us as parents more than it is about her development. i see my own success and failure in her. and that's just too great a burden for one tiny baby to bear. she's her own person with her own story to tell. so back off, mom.
please don't judge. nothing makes you feel like the best parent in the world more than someone else's kid losing it in a public place while they look on with sheer terror and defeat. i get it. but i've also been that mom with the baby that has attempted to redefine the term public humiliation. that is not the time for you, mom with perfect child, to make snide comments about how your children NEVER act like that. nor is it the time for you, mom holding it together with screaming child, to listen to such graceless remarks. just go home, pour another glass of wine and enjoy the bach. everything is better in the light of the tv as roses are handed out in a completely arbitrary manner.
snuggle that baby all you want. or don't. but either way keep your mouth shut. pre-baby i had all of these ideals i thought were non-negotiable. i believed all those newborn training people that say it's a disservice to coddle your baby...that they'll grow up to be entitled and co-dependent. and then all my psychology training came back to me and i actually met the #rowenugget. as it turns out she doesn't have an independent bone in her body. she's fearless and full of adventure. but she wants to experience all of that from the comfort of her mama or daddy's arms. so we snuggle her and tote her around and don't let her "cry it out". if you do the opposite that's amazing and i'm glad you're also doing what you feel is best for your smallest person.
and finally and perhaps most controversially, working moms have it harder than anyone on planet earth gives them credit for. there's a big resurgence in the belief that working moms don't love their kids as much as SAHMoms. and i get it. because i wish i could spend my days with the panda doing panda activities and watching her sleep and all those other awesome things. but i can't. and it seems grossly unfair to her. and i feel guilty all the time. but listen. i'm doing what's best for our family as a whole. and it seems pretty harsh that i have to live in a defensive posture because i work and every other family with a stay at home parent sees me as the villain. you do your thang and i'll do mine. but don't say my life is easier than the stay at home mom. it's not. i promise you.
i may never get a full night's sleep again. i may really start to believe in the healing power of yoga pants and large gulps of wine. i may be THAT mom who thinks my baby is cuter, smarter, and way more fun than any little human you produce. but what i've learned the most, what i'm holding to tighter than so many other things is that we've got to cheer each other on. parent, someday parent, or i don't ever want to be a parent. let's speak encouragement and lift each other up. mmmkkkk?