Friday, June 26, 2015

adrianne & nigel

i had the pleasure of meeting adrianne as an awkward middle schooler. we accepted each other in all our nerd glory and the rest is history. i was honored to be able to shoot her e-session, because i love her and not many people stick out a friendship with you for well over a decade. 

it is so obvious that adrianne & nigel are in love. the way they look at each other, the affection between them, it makes you feel all the love when you're around them. i can't wait to share in their wedding day as a bridesmaid but for this day i was super happy to be the one behind the camera capturing their awesome chemistry.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

week 38

the end is near.

it seems that our little #rowenugget is most definitely arriving before july 4th. the midwives bumped up my 39 week appointment by two days to ensure that an induction was scheduled by the time i am officially 39 weeks pregnant. however, in the most dramatic turn of events (not) my amniotic fluid level is back to normal. do i still have polyhydramnios? no one really knows. but i guess that there's maybe a small chance i won't be induced? #confusion

{this photo seems to communicate that i'm trying to steal all the watermelon under my shirt in the most nonchalant manner ever. don't mind me. i'm just holding my belly. up. i'm literally holding my belly up so it doesn't drag the floor. or something.}

regardless, i am still hoping to make it to june 30 or july 1, at the very least. these days have no special meaning to me other than it will work out much better with my and G's vacation time situation at work. but i am a little sad that our panda is going to be born on the most popular vacation week of the year resulting in many family and friends being out of town for her arrival.

in other news, i am officially burnt out on pregnancy. there have been days when i have absolutely loved being chosen to carry our little nugget, days when i've been in awe that i am actually growing a person. but in general, pregnancy has stretched me to the very limit, physically and emotionally.

i am not a person that thinks my pregnant body is lovely. i hate my pregnant body. i am totally over comments about my pregnant body. basically i rage every time someone mentions how pregnant i look. it is the equivalent of telling me i look like a close relative of the swamp thing. i have serious anxiety about losing the baby weight. i tear up when i consider that i will never get my pre-baby body back. last summer i was frolicking down the sandy shore in a bikini, people. if i had only known how precious those days were...

on the other hand, G has really enjoyed the giggle fits that pregnany brought to my life. i am not a random giggle fit person. i am not really a laughing person. i am dry and my personality is pretty monotone. but pregnancy gave me the gigs for real. however, with the giggles also came the random outbursts of tears and the unquenchable anger for no good reason. fun. G has really enjoyed that, as well.

baby size: G and i have a bet on how large the #rowenugget will be. i am guessing she is already around 7.5-8 lbs and will definitely weigh over 8 lbs. at birth. polyhydramnios typically results in larger babies. G is guessing under 8 lbs.

weight gain: i am embarrassed to even admit this, but somewhere around 29 lbs. yikes. i'd like to blame some of it on the polyhydramnios and swelling. but who knows.

craving: i don't know if it's just the summer heat but i have been wanting all the fresh veggies and fruit.

can't even: it's been unreasonably hot these last few weeks here in NC. like walking out the door at 7 am to 89 degree heat. i mean seriously. i can't even. also, i literally have not felt my right pinky or ring finger in days.

loving: all the baby things and imagining holding a little baby in all her cute little baby clothes.

Thursday, June 18, 2015


this post is not designed to tell you anything you don't already know or can't discern by yourself. but new mom or old mom i want to cheer you on. because as i'm getting ready to start this journey of being a mom, i need your cheers too.
maybe i'm just paying more attention but lately i've seen several articles with titles like, "why i can't afford for my wife to stay at home". usually these articles go on to list the value of the stay-at-home mom in ridiculous amounts. "full time car service, $40.00/hour at 80 hours/week". "in house chef, grocery shopper, and meal planner, $1,000 week". all of these line items are then neatly summed up with the conclusion that if the stay-at-home mom/wife were paid for all her duties, the cost would be astronomical! the family would be wealthy beyond measure!

and then the biggest punch in the gut to the self-absorbed working mom, the stay-at-home mom actually CARES about her children, and their health, personal well-being, and physical and spiritual development.

don't misunderstand, stay-at-home mom. i am all for you. i was raised by one of you. i was homeschooled by one of you. i understand the sacrifice, the dedication, and the humility it takes to be a stay-at-home mom. you rock. you are an absolute rock star.

but don't belittle the working mom in your rise to fame.


just because working moms go to work doesn't mean they get a pass on all those homely and motherly duties. as a working mom, i'm still going to be the main grocery shopper, meal planner, diaper changer, house keeper, laundry washer. i'm just going to juggle a career alongside those things.


i'm not choosing work over my child. i'm working to give my child opportunities that i maybe didn't have. and i'm not working so that i can lay the responsibility of raising my child on some practical stranger. i'm taking full responsibility for raising my child. it just doesn't involve staying at home full time. and you know maybe i want to show my daughter that education for women leads somewhere out there in the great big world. and that mommies can bring home the bacon also.

but really...i just want moms to be on the same team. whether you stay at home with your kids or work 60 hours a week to provide for your kids. whether you're a divorced mom, a single mom, a step mom, adoptive mom, or just plain old mom.

can we take the dollar sign off of motherhood? can we all just admit that good parenting is priceless in our broken world. that having a loving mom who strives to provide, to love, to care, to nurture is the best type of mom, no matter how she gets it done.

so here's to you, mom with spit-up on her shirt, mom rocking the power suit, and mom who can't remember the last time she took a shower with no interruptions. i want you on my team.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

week 36

this week brought all the pregnancy symptoms. swelling and cankles and tears and hip pain and exhaustion. i am still maintaining a normal schedule with work but by the time i get home making dinner and washing clothes is an accomplishment. however, in a great burst of inspiration or complete lunacy i did go for a 20 minute jog and a 30 minute walk last week. i used to laugh at people who called walking "cardio exercise". now i'm all like senior citizens be passing me.

by sunday, G felt so sorry for me and my cankles that he was scrambling to do anything and everything so i could be a sofa surfer. thank you, G. in the sweetest moment of husbandry, he came home from the grocery store with redbox, a frozen pizza, and a dozen roses. this is romance, people and i'm not even playing.

week 36 also included another growth scan. the panda has the chubbiest face and basically looks exactly like a panda. this may be a marginal exaggeration. but only by the slightest degree. also, every week the ultrasound tech makes some sort of remark about her hair. G is really afraid she has a cul-de-sac of hair. i'm praying for a head full of jet black locks.

it also appears as though the polyhydramnios business has basically guaranteed that the #rowenugget is making her grand entrance by her due date! this is exciting and also terrifying. so you know... if you're going to be in the area between july 1-7 feel free to bring me all the wine. i will let you hold my brand new human in return.

baby size: from here on out there is a lot of variance. she is close to her final size and her only developmental job is to gain weight. the average is around 18 inches and 5 to 6 pounds, the size of a honeydew!
weight gain: 25 lbs. yay...
craving: the ice cream mania is back. i think about ice cream at least once a day.
can't even: i am now at the point where my only real option is sleeping on my side. however, this also happens to be an extremely painful option.
loving: that God is in control. these last few weeks have been mentally exhausting trying to navigate vague information, rude commentary, and varying degrees of sleep deprivation. but it is so comforting to know that as i prepare to become a mother, that i'm still a daughter of a king. and he sees me.