week 14

in a great burst of novel inspiration, i've decided to blog about pregnancy. because, you know, the internets isn't already full of stay-at-home moms with beautiful round bellies and glowing faces telling of the wonders and joys of growing a new life within their lovely womb. yet while i applaud these women, i must stand far off from them lest i get a sunburn from the shine of their pregnancy glow. so i thought i would add my take on the matter. it is not eloquent. but it is honest.

do i love pregnancy? so far that's a resounding "no". if i could i would gladly export my uterus from my insides to G's and let him experience the beauty of growing a human.

today i say goodbye to the first trimester with a face full of hope turned toward trimester two. first trimester, you brought me full body hives, all day "morning" sickness, tailbone pain, and general discontent with the world. i'm done with you.

i have gained exactly zero pounds thus far. this is my victory of trimester one - hope that i might not look like violet the blueberry from willy wonka at the end of this baby growing extravaganza. my baby bump is actually last night's dinner refusing to do anything except expand like rice in a bird's stomach.

furthermore, clear skin. can i get some praisy hand emojis on that one? my usually dry, flaky, sometimes oily, always combative winter skin is being unusually tame. thank you, pregnancy hormones for getting this one thing right. i love you. wait.

finally. the low down.

baby size: a lemon.

weight gain: 0, but the nugget measured perfectly at our thirteen week visit.

craving: was salt with a side of salt (pickles, chips, popcorn). moving toward cold and sweet (fruit, icecream).

can't even: the smells. oh, the smells. refridgerated food and meat are both toally gag worthy. but the worst of all is onions. also b.o. normally, i am a hugging type person. but seriously, if you smell like anything but happiness, rainbows, and fields of flowers do not get near me.

loving: um. well there's... also... hmm... but for real. dreaming up a nursery (white on white on white). maybe not loving, but entertained by weird pregnancy dreams (especially the one where i was a rapper).